


With nothing left to waste but opportunity

by pseudosmodingium



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is back, Coda, First Kiss, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, No Smut, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27576004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudosmodingium/pseuds/pseudosmodingium
Summary: The world is saved and Dean should be happy. He isn't.Not until Jack aka the New God brings back the angel he loves.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 99





	With nothing left to waste but opportunity

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, look, it's another coda!
> 
> How many more times do we have to do this, to fix canon? I just want my babies to be happy...

_… To be the lovers we have longed to be_

"Are you sure you'll be OK?" Sam asks, actual worry in his eyes but at the same time full of hope Dean will say yes.

"Of course," Dean says, patting his brother's shoulder, "you kids have fun." He winks at Eileen past Sam's big head and she tries to hide her grin behind her hand.

"Where will you go?"

"Wherever. We're free," Dean says and pulls the keys out of his back pocket. "Finally free."

He drives until it gets dark. There's a neon sign at the side of the road directing him to a bar and grill. He's been on the road for a while now and he could really use a burger and a beer.

The place is packed and Dean is thrilled to see that it wasn't all a dream; that the world is full again. That Jack brought everyone back. _Everyone..._

He takes a seat at the counter and orders his drink while studying the menu. A dark-haired woman meets his eye from across the room. She's obviously there with friends but not really following the conversation at her table. Dean smiles back. Then his heart sinks. This is not what he wants. It might have been once. Now, though... He takes a sip from his beer and asks for the check.

He should be glad, should be grateful. They're free. They defeated God, the Almighty. How great is that? And still, it's not enough. How is it not enough?

He hits the road again. But where should he go? He should be happy...and he is. Of course he is happy that the world is saved and Chuck has been reduced to be being just some guy. Some random pathetic guy.

Still, he can't stop thinking about what could have been. What he could have had, now that all puppet strings are snapped. He could let himself have something, finally, now that he knows he could have had it. That he could have always had it.

He's back at the bunker before he knows it. He descends the stairs into the map room, takes the steps into the library and—

A trenchcoated back is turned towards him. Castiel doesn't turn around. Instead he keeps tracing his carved-in name on the table.

"Cas," Dean breathes out, cautious. The sight of him is almost too good to be true.

He finally turns. "Dean," he says, his look loaded with questions.

"You're back," Dean notes the obvious.

"Jack," he says.

"I figured," Dean says and a sigh of relief escapes him.

"He's really found his place. He'll do good in this world. I'm so proud of him."

"We all are," Dean agrees.

An awkward silence follows. Dean has no clue how to start this conversation. Cas isn't any help either.

"It's so good to see you," he says instead and yeah, that line really lands because Cas replies, "It’s good to see you too, Dean."

Why is this so hard? He's had days to figure out what he would have said—what he would say. In the end, though, words were never enough.

"Cas, uh," he's scared to look Cas in the eye when he speaks. "What you said when, uh, when, you know... Did you mean it?"

A pained look crosses Cas's face. "Every word of it," he says and balls his hand into a fist as if it cost him all his might not to backpedal.

"Good," Dean says, nodding to himself, "that's...good."

Another moment of silence passes. Then, finally, Dean steps forward and pulls Cas toward his chest. He lets out a long, loud sigh. He can't compare this feeling to anything; to having Cas pressed close against him, to hold him after all this time, after all the losses, the goodbyes.

Dean draws in a sharp, shaky breath. "I'm so glad you're here," he speaks against Cas's shoulder. "I thought I'd never—" A sob escapes him.

He pulls back, wiping the back of his hand over his eyes, under his nose. "Cas, I..."

"You don't have to say it, Dean."

"No, Cas," —he takes another quivering breath—"I want to. I... I love you, Cas. I love you so much." He laughs, sniffling. "Sorry I haven't got a speech like yours prepared," and now Cas laughs too. His smile takes Dean's breath away. "But I want you to know that, if you want me, you can have me."

Cas's eyes bore into him. They're wide and blue and so alive, so real, so _here_ —he can barely believe it. Right now, he is the happiest man on Earth.

He cups Castiel's face with his hand, his thumb stroking over Cas's cheek, and pulls him to his lips. The kiss is soft, careful, like even the slightest force could make it all burst like a bubble. Yet, when Dean opens his eyes, Cas is still there in his arms and, finally assured, he gives in, kissing Cas for real, deep, his hand combing through his hair, Cas gripping his back and shoulder tighter, pulling him as close as possible.

He doesn't remember who proposed it first when they stumble into Dean's room, coat and jackets discarded in the library. Pants already on the floor, Dean fumbles with the buttons on Cas's shirt.

Cas puts his hands on Dean's. "Let me," he says. Slowly but steadily he undoes the buttons as Dean watches his fingers work. His heart is racing.

Cas takes off the shirt and brings his hands back to framing Dean's face. "You're nervous," he says.

"Are you?" Dean asks in lieu of admitting it.

"No," Cas says, "I trust you."

He lies back on the bed and pulls Dean with him. They kiss, taking their time. There's no hurry, yet Dean has to remind himself constantly that there isn't. They're free to do whatever they want whenever they want.

Gradually, Cas makes room for him, parting his legs further.

Dean's voice is trembling as he asks, "You sure you want this?"

Cas grazes a finger across his cheek. This is what Dean imagines a feather of his wings would feel like on his skin. "Yes, Dean." He lifts his head a little to nudge his nose against Dean's. "I want you. All I ever wanted was you," he says and Dean has to choke down an emotion.

Their foreheads are pressed together, both their eyes closed, as Dean moves, slow and tender, breathing in Cas's scent. He never quite knew how to describe it. It always just was so...Cas. And now he's drowning in it, yet at the same time drawing life from it.

Cas opens up to him even more, wrapping him inside his love, his warmth and Dean just let's go. He thinks of nothing, only feels.

Distantly, he's aware of the sounds of their breathing, the rustling of the sheets, the small creaks of the bed, the pounding of his heart. He can feel the heat of Cas's body under him, his hair tingling at his temples, the humidity of his breaths, the stubble on his chin.

Never before has Dean let himself feel, not like this, has repressed more than a person should have to bear and now he feels...everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again the fic title is a song lyric - from "The Falcons" by Patrick Wolf.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
